Keeping the Balance

In the past year, Carleton University campus has been shaken by controversies regarding a decades long political struggle between two Canadian minority groups. The first group consists of a genuine tribe of fair skinned Africans who immigrated to Canada as part of their plan to rule the world. The second is made of nomads who, as the custom of nomads go, wandered to the U.S., but accidentally got here instead.

The struggle, in theory, is about ownership of a small field of chickpeas somewhere between Africa and Asia. Each side holds some very good reasons as to why that piece of land, which is 1.5 square kilometer in size, should belong to him and more importantly – not the other side.

In 1980, a man named Ami Habel drove a skateboard laden with TNT into a Tribal praying house in France, killing several people and injuring many more.

Last November the French government found that a man by that name is residing in Canada and pushed local government to take action.

While waiting for his trial in 2010, Habel, who is of Nomad origin, is under strict conditions. He cannot leave his house without the company of two women, his seven year old son, and a gold fish named Zubi. He must wear an electronic collar at all times and can only pee in specified public washrooms. He cannot use a cell phone but has 50 text messages a month.

Habel was released with a bail of a million and a half Canadian dollars his ex wife gathered from door to door in her neighborhood. He is currently requesting the RCMP to return his T.V. remote control, which officers took during his arrest.

Last Monday, Habel was appointed by Carleton to instruct a Sociology course named Cultures of the Middle East.

A Tribal Facebook group named PITA (People who are Into Tribal Affairs) published a press release the same day, calling to cancel the appointment of someone who might have killed people.

Carleton de-appointed Habel on Tuesday, coming up with the statement: "We are very concerned with the situation and how it might affect the university's reputation."

On Wednesday, Carleton Sociology Director and more than half of his department came out with a public letter to Carleton's president saying: "You have shown us the easiness in which you completely ignore basic human rights." By "human rights" the department means their right to be asked about it first.

The director says Habel had a very flexible schedule and no bad record other than the fact he had police officers checking his every move.

The director says this is a continuation of the controversy made in February during a week called "we hate tribes" in which a poster depicting a six months old Nomad baby run over by a Tribal bulldozer was banned from campus.

A Carleton Tribal club came out with a counter poster on Facebook, depicting exactly the same, with the baby wearing an explosive belt.

On Thursday, the Public Union of (certain) People In Canada (PUPIC) condemned the de-appointment on the grounds that Habel should be considered innocent until proven guilty. PUPIC is currently working on a plan to erase any recollection of the class from student's memory in case Habel is proven guilty in his trial in 2010. The plan is employing devices from Man in Black.

On Friday PITA responded to PUPIC's statements, announcing that anyone who disagrees with them is also an alleged murderer.

Students in Habel's class showed great concerns to their academic grade point average.